Facing your fears and doing it anyways
As I sit to write my final post of 2020, reflecting on this wildly intense year, I'm reminded of the variety of emotions that have swirled within me. Excitement, sadness, elation, worry, contentment, peace, and fear have all occupied seats at the roundtable of my psyche at various times these past 12 months, some occupying space for longer than I'd wished.
While I don't consider myself an overly fearful person, my level of concern was particularly heightened in this season of my life. Some things that have scared me this year have been COVID-19 and me getting it with my existing health issues; a family member passing away after contracting the virus; two others recovering from it; another family member having surgery; one of my closet friends having breast cancer, a double mastectomy, and then multiple dental surgeries; my sons, their father, and my granddaughter directly exposed to COVID while I was out of state; and closing the studio and not knowing how to proceed with my vision of creating a wellness center.
While navigating these intensely fearful emotions that moved through me like waves, it helped to remember that I've done scary things in the past -- and I survived. Not only survived, but came out even stronger on the other side.
So now, as I embark on a whole new frontier with my upcoming online fitness/wellness membership -- and being occasionally unsettled and worried that I won't be able to create the level of awesomeness that I'm envisioning -- I remind myself that I can do hard things.
I've gone camping solo multiple times and wasn't eaten by a bear or accosted by a psycho killer on the loose. I've driven across the scorching desert countless times and didn't once break down on the side of the road in 115-degree heat. I've had the crippling worry as a mom who's child was severely depressed. I received a black belt in Kung Fu at the age of 40, getting my ass handed to me at my test by folks much younger than I. And I told my then-husband that I wanted a divorce -- and had that conversation twice because we initially tried to reconcile.
Scary things don't have to be climbing an active volcano, sitting in a snake pit, or skydiving. (And if those don't scare you, you're a total badass and I salute you!). We each have our own fears, and they will certainly vary in intensity. Things like having a really tough conversation, enrolling in a challenging class, or significantly changing up your routine can absolutely be terrifying. Something to ponder at the close of 2020: What are the things that scare you?
There's something to be said about doing intense, scary things, especially when you have a choice. It reminds us that, when new scary things come up, we now know we can do them. It might be challenging or even the most difficult thing/situation/event we've ever had to deal with, but we have personal, historical evidence that we made it through and, more importantly, grew in the process.
As we embark further down the road in this human experience, we can grow by embracing the fear and reminding ourselves just how strong we actually are.
May this new year bring you all the strength and courage you need to grow into the person you were destined to become.